The harrowing daily experience of being trans women

Early this year the first Somali trans women came out to the public in facebook which caused uproar in the Somali social media and although the the reason she came out to the public was not for people to accept her but to shun also the many Imams who raped and molested her when she was young.

Since then the life gender non conformative people really interested me and how rhey cope and survive in places which denies them the right to exist, but also since many people in my region still believe Homosexuality as sin and mental illness reading more books about queer people can save you and cure you from the continued hate that you are told or teached about queer people

I find it fascinating to learn how  chnage in your gender and pronouns can really change your point view of life and also you interact with your surrounding environment and for this I picked up Vivek Shraya new book whch describes her life as trans women and how she coped with her earlier childhoods trauma as she was spit on and stared rudely and threaten by her first crush to use physical violence against her

Its amazing how many things are imposed on us from childhood from our gender to our faith and everytime we try as individuals To redefine ourselves  we face many backlashes from surrounding community and sometimes people who you thought will be your allies and friends in your process of  of discovering yourselves became your worst enemies and reading this book helped me get a glimpse of the daily fears and anxiety teans women face from morning to night

Vivek Shraya starts her essays from her childhood and how she harassed for not being manly enough, and how this childhood trauma still haunts her and also affect her choices from not wearing tight dresses to not attract attention to not look at the men’s eyes so she would not be harassed, what i found fascinating in this short work is how sheds ligh also on difficulty and fears and dangers most women faces whether being trans or not from violent men.

I’m Afraid of Men By VIVEK SHRAYA


some stuff that is happening in my life

one of the hardest facts that i have to accept now days is that am losing my sight in a faster rate that i had expected and this sudden deterioration of my eyes has forced me to stop the only thing i know and loved in the world which is reading and since the doctors has warned me from prolonged reading on Kindle it forced me use my time in other stuff which requires not much of my eyes.

i feel little bit angry  and honestly scared of my upcoming loss of sight and sometimes i wonder why this happened while i am still relatively young since i am 24 years old but also why this sickness hinders me from the only thing i knew and loved to do which is reading  also am trying to accept this fact and trying to focus in doing other stuff like socializing and playing sports and exerting little pressure on my eyes

am not good at expressing what i feel and thinking so i thought a little writing in my sight could help and release me from this depression because of lack of reading as much as i used to.

And sorry if i ruined your day and depressed you but somehow i hope this post reminds you how much precious is being able to read since not many people are able to read and those able to read don’t like to read

The Chibok Girls by Helon Habila

I always wondered why religious extremism especially from my faith was scared of women eduacation or western education in general,why many Muslim insurgents from Boko Haram in Nigeria to Taliban  in Afghanistan fought against women education and actually bombed and killed many students and teachers and their guilt was learning.

Why the sight of young girls trying to learn how to read and write provokes so much anger in these men that they will try to kill them or kidnap them and force them as a sex slaves,seeing some people who shares my same beliefs but still using the same religion we both share as cover for thei evil acts makes me really ashmed of what some Muslims are doing to themselves.

In the last days of Holy Ramadan i picked up this short nook which tells the story of Boko Haram and the young teen gurls who were kidnapped by Boko Haram.

Boko Haram means Western eduacation is forbidden which is the name of violent extremist group in Nigeria  who did the usual Terrorist group works but risen to infamy by their kidnapping of Chibok young girls from their school dorms.

What makes this group more sinister than any other Jihadist groups in West Africa is that their fixation with using young girls as suicide fighters and even using girls as seven to suicide attack.

the first time Boko Haram attacked schools they killed most of thee young boys in the school and left the girls alone and warned them from going to school and advised them to marry but the second time they attacked the school they simply kidnapped all the girls and sent them to near impassable forest were it hard to follow them.

what made Chibok different from its neighboring towns is that it is the only Christian town in predominately Muslim region which marginalized them from their surrounding and made them an easy target for the terrorist.

interestingly although Chibok is small town is abodes with large stories of kidnapping and violence related either to politics and or religion, and this quote summarize why many nations rich with resources are still stuck in poverty

Actual violence, or the threat of it, helps to keep the populace in check, just as poverty does. Keep the people scared and hungry, encourage them to occasionally purge their anger on each other through religiously sanctioned violence, and you can go on looting the treasury without interference. I used to wonder why the facilities at our airports and in almost all public buildings in Nigeria were always broken and substandard, until I realized it was not accidental. It is a way of controlling the masses. The masses must never be allowed to think they deserve standard service. Even if they get what is theirs, like decent salaries, healthcare, and education, they must first grovel and beg for it, so that when they finally get it they feel it comes from the munificence of their political overlords, and not as a right.

although 5, Nigeria is the world’s twentieth largest economy, with a GDP of more than $500 billion. The country is the seventh largest oil exporter in the world at least half of the population lives below the poverty line and when Nigeria gained independence 9 million people were below poverty line but now almost 100 million people below poverty line and nothing seems to improve still.

our author who was born and used to live in Nigeria reminisce  about his childhood experiences where Islam and his neighboring Muslims were tolerant and there were no single violent incident between his family who were Christian and their Muslims neighbouring.

That version of Islam was able to accommodate tradition and diversity, and didn’t view the rest of the world through a puritanical lens. But all that changed, as if in a day. A stricter, less tolerant version of Islam emerged and took over the scene.

and now even most Christians are becoming also more strict with their faith and

against a backdrop of declining revenues, high unemployment rates, political corruption and rivalries, government mismanagement, rampant materialism, and serious popular concern about the erosion of moral and religious values

most people sought after

people sought answers in religion. But an irrational reliance on religion, instead of giving the people peace and comfort, only made them less tolerant and more desperate.

and this solution still is not helping them to solve their problems.

what brings more sorrow in this book is the social attitude to the returning girls where they are not accepted fully into he family and since most of them are pregnant or have children who their father is fighters of Boko Haram they become outcasts of their society and rather being victim they take the culprit role

Publisher: Penguin Books

Date Read: June 2018

No. of Pages: 128 pages

Date Published: 6 April 2017


Things that ruined my reading experiance

First of all am really sorry to make you help me in my personal problems but i have some issues denying me the pleasure of reading and would love getting advice from people who could help me

  • The first things is that me being cosmopolitan is that i do feel citizen of the world and love learning other cultures more than mine but sometimes i feel uprooted like leaf of grass in the wind where i don’t feel am fully affliated with any nation and being Somali who reads most of the time in English makes me sometimes reexamine myself and beliefs and prejudices and this sometimes  can be very hard to explain to other people but who know maye there is people who speak English as second language could understand the difficulties sometimes i face when i am reading books.
  • The second thing which i find myself doing and but also irritated by it is that sometimes unless i find the edition of the book i want I wouldn’t read it, although if i was born of first world nations that would not be a problem but since i am Somali who was born in Somalia where Amazon don’t reach it,this search for the wanted edition of the book reminds of the ugly truth is that being of citizen of failed state sometimes your choices in life and also in books you read would be minimun or none.
  • The third problem is book hoarding which maybe related ti be birn in a country where famine still occurs, i tend to buy more books than i would read in a life time and i feel myself addicted to it and this would ruin your reading experiance, seeing all these books waititng for you to be read can ruin the pleasure of reading.

Sorry if these problems seems absure or kind meaningless but i would love hearing any advice you would tell me related to my problem, and thanks again for passing by

How to Cure a Fanatic by Amos Oz


One thing I always in any conflict is that always paint one group as righteous and the other group as wrongdoers, one group as good guys and the other group as a bad guys, one group as a victim who deserve our sympathy and another group as a villain who will be denigrated and stand accused of everything.
But this equation sometimes doesn’t work and it doesn’t work especially in Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
There is no good guys versus bad guys in this conflict but two righteous owners of the same land in which there is two different claim about the same land
In the past both the Arab and Israeli denied each other existence and tried unsuccessfully in the Arab side to militarily erase Israel from the map,fortunately the failed and after six wars the neighbouring Countries have accepted the Israeli right ti exist in Israel.
But what about Palestinian who rotted in refugee camp around the world what would happen to them will they always be stateless for eternity.
It is easy to paint Israeli as the bad guys in the region as they are most developed nation in the region but who is Goliath and who is David depends in which scale you are looking at,
If it comes to Israeli Palestinian conflict we can paint the Easily the Israeli as Goliath but if you enlarge your perspective a little more and used bigger scale then Israel will be the victim in the region I mean being entrapped in region where almost three hundred Arabs hates it and vowed to destroy it in this case Israeli will be the nice guys in that region.
What the author tries to tell is compromise and negotiations is what this conflict need to end I mean to Israel to accept there would be no greater Israel and for Palestinian there would be no greater Palestine
This compromise which is hard to go through for both Israeli and Palestine is what this conflict needs as this conflict is real Estate problem not religious problem as many Muslim and Jewish extremist tries to paint.
About the Fanaticism which is now became like the virus spreading around Muslim world and also in Western world as far right is getting more and more chairs in Western government .
What about Fanaticism attracted me in my youth was the ability for the fanatic to sacrifice his life for his beliefs but in growing older I became more rational and kind scared for sacrificing my life for any goal whatsoever.
Being fanatic is easy for any human but being understanding and trying to put your self in other shoes, trying to imagine what the other feels and what being the other could be.
But sometimes it feels really tiring to talk with fanatic with people who believe Jews control the world and US with people who believe homosexuality is disease and throwing gays out of high building is great way to reduce homosexuals in the society,people who believe who believe every western nation are secretly trying to destroy Islam
Talking and arguing with people with this mindset and the fanatic in my society and trying to be the devil advocate can be very tiring sometimes
But one solution to fanaticism can be literature because literature allows you to put yourself in the shoes of other and also humour you don’t see Terrorist in who have good sense of humour and also trying to be with the people you have prejudice against them can make you rethink your heal yourself from fanaticism

Beside the Sea by veronique Olmi

What does it mean to be a mother?

Does being able to have birth to Children means you have the right to have them?

How stable I mean ( mentally,financially) should the person be so that he could a baby?

Who determines who have the right to bring children to this world?

And if you had the child who determines you can keep your child, does the state have that right?or the social worker?

What does it mean to be so poor in developed state?

What does it mean to be single mother in today world is it? Is it really hard to raise children single handed or is it impossible

I have so many questions and questions after reading this great novel which was published by peirene press

Beside the Sea by veronique Olmi translated by Adriana Hunter

In the beginning of the novel we fallow our unnamed narrator as she escapes with her both kids from the to the sea

The city is unknown,the name of our female protagonist is unknown the town she is also headed to is also unnamed.

“ We took the bus, the last bus at the evening, so no one would see us” from the beginning of the novel we understand there is some thing wrong here why is she leaving at night why is she doesn’t want to be seen?

In the next pages we our unnamed narrator with her two small children heading toward the sea and after arriving in the town she lost her way and

“ I was almost alone with the Kids and the town became a mystery, I did know which road to to take , where to cross, what would take us away and what would bring us closer, nothing moved and the quieter it became the more out of place we felt.”

We see her strangeness to the her inability to fathom or understand things around her or people “ whenever I go out I wonder where everyone’s going , charging in every direction , tramping up and down the streets, some of them even make phone calls while they walk, how can anyone be that busy?”

In the hotel our narrator tries to sleep like humans do but it seems ti be really hard for her even the normal sleep is challenge she has to go everyplace

This is really amazing novel in many ways and it leaves with deep impressions that even after finishing it it still plays in your head

But there is also a dark side to it I mean if you have the stomach of fallowing one person journey to abyss and have the stomach to you really should read it in one go so the pleasure and pain mixes together and leave you with highest experience ever

I wanna quote and quote so many beautiful prose I have seen there and we should also thank the translator as her translation was quite amazingly beautiful

But just to convince you to discover this novel and this great publishing house

Here are some of my best quotes

“ I wanted to get back to the night before, that night without dreams or insomnia, the one that detached me from myself, I wanted to get back to that place with no threats that I’d fallen into, but I’d lost it for good”

2018 Resolutions

It is already 2018 and it seems like we  all do made promises to ourselves about what will do in this year  which sometimes does happen and sometimes not.

An since i have used both goodreads and this blog I didn’t choose still to review books here but i will try to do it 

So this will be my new year resolutions here’s related to this blog

1- i will try to review at least 50 books from all genres which my hand could reach to

2-i will try to write usually twice a week about many things related to my country